Diary of a Mount Isa Summer (by a Pom)
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Mount Isa, Queensland!!
Now this is a city that knows how o live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper. ad the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuckin blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid fuckin place.
November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to fuckin throttle him. Fuckin heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin fuckin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin arse was on fire! I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fuckin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fuckin recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and fuckin sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the fuckin pool. Even the palms can't live in this fuckin heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the stupid fucker. Fuck Mount Isa! What kind of a sick demented fuckin idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are fuckin kiddin
*****************************************************
SOCIALISM. You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM. You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM. You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM. You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION. You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION. You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION. You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Mount Isa, Queensland!!
Now this is a city that knows how o live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the verandah It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
September 13th:
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper. ad the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
October 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
October 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
October 20th:
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
October 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuckin blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.
October 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $300,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
November 4th:
It's 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like it's about 30. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid fuckin place.
November 8th:
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to fuckin throttle him. Fuckin heat! By the time I get to work the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soakin fuckin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
November 9th:
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my fuckin arse was on fire! I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fuckin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried arse, and baked cat.
November 10th:
The weather report might as well be a fuckin recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and fuckin sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fuckin place? Water rationing will be next, so my $2,000 worth of palms just might dry up and blow into the fuckin pool. Even the palms can't live in this fuckin heat.
November 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car. The repairman came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my arse out of jail for assulting the stupid fucker. Fuck Mount Isa! What kind of a sick demented fuckin idiot would want to live here?
December 1st:
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer???? You are fuckin kiddin
*****************************************************
Understanding the Global Financial Crisis. Economic Models explained with Cows.
SOCIALISM. You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM. You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM. You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM. You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM. You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION. You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION. You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION. You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION. You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION. You have two cows. Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
